I’m Done With This

“I’m so done with this!”

I said the words aloud to the air above my head just a couple of weeks ago.  I might have shouted them.

My frustration ran over as I worked in the shop room at home, the place where we ran an internet business for several years after closing our local retail business.  Standing there, gazing at the incredible mess, I saw no way to ever have a usable space again.

I meant the words.  I was ready to walk away, leaving the mayhem behind forever.  Let the kids deal with it after I’m gone.

“So done!”

But, it wasn’t true.

I wasn’t done at all.  I hadn’t accomplished anything I had come down here for.  Oh, I had moved a few things from one side of the room to another.  That stack under the window had started on the desk.  Now, it might stay where it was for another couple of years.  That would be okay with me!

I usually tell people I love words.  I like to play with them, teasing out meanings and quirky uses.  But, sometimes the words catch me at my own game.

Done means finished.  It implies completion.  Somehow though, when I use that phrase, “I’m so done with this,” it means, “I quit!”

“I quit!”

It doesn’t sound nearly as weighty as “I’m so done.”  And, it certainly doesn’t imply that I’ve accomplished anything.

You’ll be happy to learn that I’ve worked out a plan.  I’m setting a goal, not to tackle the entire space, but to move out at least one item a day until the task is complete.

No one else would know it to look at the room, but I’ve made (with a fair amount of help from the Lovely Lady and others) enough progress to be encouraged when I walk in now.

And, I’m looking forward to the day when I can turn the meaning of those words around and stand in the room saying, “I’m done with this!”

Done! 

Finished!

Complete!

I spoke with a young friend today, realizing that she is struggling a bit right now and I said similar words.

“He’s not done with you yet!”

We say that about God sometimes.  What we mean by the words is that He isn’t finished with what He’s doing.  And, He’s not.

The apostle for whom I was named said similar words over two thousand years ago in his letter to the folks at Philippi.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”  (Philippians 1:6, NLT)

We somehow have an image, a dream really, of the process being once and done.  Bam!  God speaks and we’re a finished product.

That’s not how this life in Him works at all.

Step by step, day by day, with a long obedience in the same direction, we are being changed into the person He intended for us to become.

The phrase that comes so easily to our lips—”He’s not done with me yet.”—covers both meanings. First, He’s not finished with what He’s doing for and in us.  And secondly, He will never—NEVER—say, “I’m so done with you!”

He has said, ‘I will never leave you and I will never abandon you.’
(Hebrews 13:5b, NET)

He’s going to stick with the project!  Yes, it may take longer than we want; the process may be more painstaking than we anticipated.  But, He will never quit and walk away from us.

We sat with our old friends around the table last night and I read words (you can read them for yourself down below) from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow to them (I know, weird table conversation, huh?) from The Village Blacksmith.  They’re good words for us to remember, but I think we may need to amend them a bit.

Mr. Longfellow suggested that each day should see the end of the job we began that morning.  I have a feeling we simply need to see forward progress, perhaps a lot—maybe just a tiny step ahead, on the task at hand.

We keep moving toward the goal, toward the prize.

It’s up there—ahead of us.

And, we’re not done yet.

He isn’t either.

Oh.  I’ll keep working on the shop room, too.  Maybe the kids won’t have to deal with it after all.

 

 

“Toiling,—rejoicing,—sorrowing,
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close;
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night’s repose.”
(from The Village Blacksmith, by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

“Dimidium facti qui coepit habet” (He who begins is half done.)
(from the Roman poet, Horace)

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2024. All Rights Reserved.

Turning Corners, Seeing Colors

I walk a lot these days.

By choice, I walk.  Folks used to stop and offer me rides.  Living in a small town makes it so that many who drive past know me, by sight if not by acquaintance.  I laugh, telling them I’ve got two perfectly good vehicles sitting in my driveway, but would rather use my two perfectly good feet instead.

Usually, they look at me as if I’ve taken leave of my senses (they’re not far wrong) and then, laughing a little, accept my thanks and drive on.  I am grateful for their kindness.

But, I’d rather walk when I can.  This old body needs to move more, anyway.

And, I can see the colors better.

I suppose I could see them from the driver’s seat, but for some reason, the glass and metal of a vehicle seem more like barriers to me than like an invitation to a vista.

Outside works best for viewing outside.

It’s funny.  I used to think the sky was blue, with white clouds and a yellow sun hanging above it all.  Three colors. 

Three.

It’s how I remember drawing every picture I produced as a child.  Every one.  Blue sky—white clouds—yellow sun.  I might have thrown in a brown and green tree if I was feeling unusually painterly on that particular day.

So—five colors.  In an entire landscape. 

Five.

I see more than that when I walk now.  A few more.

I saw the scene captured in the photo above on a recent walk.  It was a spectacular sunset, observed almost by coincidence when I turned a corner. And, I stopped to take the pic, ruining my speed walking time on my smartphone’s app to do it.  Somehow, that doesn’t bother me at all.

Later, my inquiring mind wondered, as I gazed at the photograph, how many colors were present there.  In the sky above my head.  In the ground beneath my feet. I was pretty sure it was more than five.

Information being readily available—at our fingertips, one might say—these days, I did a quick search online to see if it was possible to determine how many colors are visible.

I can’t vouch for the result, but one online app suggests there are 179,423 colors in the original photograph.  That’s more than five.

I like seeing the colors.  There were others on that walk.  Before I turned that corner.

As I walked along the southern border of the field my walking trail curves around, I saw a lovely pink color approaching me.

The little girl’s hair was a beautiful pastel pink.  Seven or eight years old, she pedaled by on her blue bicycle, smiling broadly as she sped past.  I smiled broadly right back at her.

It wasn’t only the girl and her colors that made me smile.  Even before she reached me on the trail, I heard the sound from her spokes.  And the playing card.

When the little girl passed me, she wasn’t riding past a sixty-something-year-old man.  She couldn’t have told you, but it was a little boy just her age she met on the trail that evening.

I can’t tell you how many times we did it.  My mom would have had a better idea of the number of times she yelled at us for stealing her clothespins.  The clothespins were to hold the cards to the bicycle frame just adjacent to the spinning wheel spokes.  I think the little girl used scotch tape, but we used clothespins.  Sometimes, Mom got them back.  Sometimes.

Plup-plup-plup-plup-plup-plup-plup-plup-plup. 

The faster we rode, the louder and more motor-like it became.  We weren’t on bicycles.  We were on a motorcycle, flying along the asphalt.  For miles, the plup-plup-ing sounded in our ears.

Oh, the memories! 

But, the little girl and her time machine streaked on down the fitness trail, leaving an old man in her wake.  The sound became softer and softer until there was nothing but echoes of a lifetime ago in my ears.

I headed north toward my house and a waiting easy chair.  But, still straining my ears for the fluttering of the playing card in the spokes, I turned one more corner—back toward the west—toward the empty field between—to see if I could catch a few more seconds of the lovely rhythm.

I didn’t.  But, I did see the spectacular sunset you see above. 

I turned the corner.

This afternoon, as I sat mulling over the chance meeting on the trail and the subsequent vista of a Creator’s handwork, I remembered that I had a book due at the library today.  I knew the Lovely Lady had some to return as well, so I suggested we leave soon.

She, working on one of her crochet projects, replied, “Just let me turn this corner and I’ll be ready to go.”

The words took on a different meaning in my head as I waited. We sometimes use the phrase to mean a life change—a momentous event.  Perhaps, even a life-saving change.

“She’s turned the corner and will be released from the hospital soon.”

“He turned a corner and is going a completely direction in life.”

Sometimes, it takes every bit of strength we can muster to turn those kinds of corners.

Frequently though, turning the corner takes nothing more than a simple ninety-degree change in direction.  One moment, we’re headed up the same road we’ve been on forever (seemingly) and the next, the scenery has changed completely, looking nothing like the destination we envisioned when we left home.

I like surprises.  Good ones, anyway.

I love the colors along the road.  And, sometimes away from the beaten path.

Maybe it’s time to take the slow way home.  Perhaps, we could even turn a corner we’ve never turned until today.

There are colors out there we’ve never seen before.  I’m sure of it.

And, there might be some sounds we’ve been missing, even though we didn’t know it.

I wonder if we could turn some corners together.  Slowly.

Are you coming with?

 

“Look, I am about to do something new.
Now it begins to happen! Do you not recognize it?
Yes, I will make a road in the wilderness
and paths in the wastelands.”
(Isaiah 43:19, NET)

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.”
(from The Road Less Traveled, by Robert Frost)

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2024. All Rights Reserved.

Rain Pouring on my Newly Mowed Weeds

It’s raining again.

Not that we’ve had enough rain yet this spring, but I did mow the lawn just today.  It could have waited at least another day or two before taking another growth spurt.

I’m not always careful when I mow.  By that, I mean I don’t look at what I’m cutting down.  Grass is grass when you’re not a connoisseur of fine fescue—or Bermuda—or Augustine. 

Today, I noticed.  What I was mowing—I noticed.

Thousands of maple trees.  The helicopters that crowded the branches of the silver and red maples in early spring (and before that) have gyrated and spun their way down from the heights to be planted in the soil and now have germinated.  The scions of the giant trees in the neighborhood showed great promise.

Alas.  Their promise will never come to fruition.

Many oaks met the same fate.  Cut down in their infancy.  Never to spring from the ground again.

All the labor of the myriad squirrels who have scrabbled and dug their tiny paws into the soil will come to nought.

My sister, who lives nearby, mentioned that she cautioned the fellow who mowed her lawn today to mow around the patches of clover.  It was a nod on her part to the needs of the buzzing little honey bees who are busy gathering nectar and pollen to turn into honey.

I admit I didn’t think of that.  The little white puffy balls and the 3-leaf patterns below them joined the maple and oak trees under the spinning blades.  Probably some 4-leafed clumps kept them company, depriving me of the temporary joy of thinking about good luck they might bring.

There were more—dandelions and wood sorrel, perhaps even a bit of speedwell and some bluets—all fodder for the spinning blades of the big mower as it made mulch of them.

I looked over the expanse of the yard this afternoon and, as if it were my own doing, declared it good.  I do love a neat lawn, even if I don’t worry much about what kind of plant springs up to cover the dirt.

And now, it’s raining again.  If the pouring precipitation weren’t making such a racket on the metal roof just inches above me, and if the thunder would stop rolling across the black skies, I think I might just be able to hear the lawn growing again.

Perhaps, I could even hear the little wildflowers laughing in tiny little tittering voices.  Laughing at the victory they will win again and again over the old fellow who attempts every year to keep up with their indefatigable spirits.

I’ll try again next week.

Maybe it’ll be more than 12 hours after I finish the job when they get reinforcements from above.  It won’t matter.

In the end, they will win.

When they grow over whatever little patch of ground my body, sans the soul now inhabiting it, will be lowered into—they will win.

Right now, the pounding rain begins anew, reminding me of how short life is and how God’s creation will keep spinning, long after I’m no longer able to police this little half-acre corner of it.

And somehow, the thought makes me smile.

God gave instructions to Adam and Eve, telling them to, Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and master it.”  (Genesis 1:28, CEV)) It might be a stretch to think that He meant for us to do what I did today with my silly power mower, but it might be what He intended.  It could be.

But, it’s good also to be reminded that He still rules the creation He lent to us way back then.  The rain still accomplishes what He intends, fulfilling the cycle He designed to replenish and re-create gardens, fields, and forests.

And regardless of all the little wildflowers, weeds, and saplings mankind chooses to annihilate as we progress through life, His promise to us is certain.

He will finish what He has started in me—and you—until the day when He takes us to our real home. (Philippians 1:6)

Until then, the rain will fall and the grass and trees will grow.  And sometimes, in between, we’ll mow and labor.

John, who wrote the book of Revelation, echoed the words of Isaiah when He said God will wipe away every tear from our eyes when we’re finally home.

I’m thinking He’ll do away with all the lawnmowers, too.

And, I’m all for that.

 

“Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.”
(A.A. Milne)

“The rain and snow fall from the sky
and do not return,
but instead water the earth
and make it produce and yield crops,
and provide seed for the planter and food for those who must eat.”
(Isaiah 55:11, NET)

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2024. All Rights Reserved.