Breathing Between the Heartbeats

I had to write a note to Dr Cho earlier this week.  In it, I apologized to him for missing the Monday night choir rehearsal.

I didn’t want to write the note.  I didn’t want to miss the rehearsal he was leading.  But it’s hard to sing when you can’t catch your breath.  Or when the quietness after releasing your breath is just as often punctuated by coughing as not.

On Sunday, as I recognized the breathing patterns and the familiar wheeze in my chest, my first reaction was to blame my Creator.

Why, God?  Things were going so well.  You could have kept this from happening.

Before I go any further, I’d like to give some instructions to the reader.  I’m not usually as bossy as all that, but you folks seem to feel sorry for me when I write about these little episodes that come along periodically.  You may even worry about my well-being.

But, this time, I want you to read between the lines—and maybe between the words.

Just that morning, our pastor had spoken on the passage in John where Lazarus, a good friend of the Teacher, had died.  His sisters had sent for Jesus days before, but He took His sweet time coming.

Martha wasn’t happy, exclaiming,  “If you had been here, he wouldn’t have died!”

I hear my own words in hers.  As if we (she or I) knew better than the Creator of all that is.

I came down to my little man-cave to write these few words tonight, but I find that, even now, my malady is likely to cut the words short.  

I don’t want you to miss this.

God works through our lives—our challenges and our victories—to bring glory to His name and to draw those who are seeing and hearing to Himself.  And, we can either be willing participants with Him, or moan and complain the whole way.

He wants good for us. I’ve said it before (and probably will again).  His good gifts really do come down from above.  

Again and again, they come down.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.’
(Jeremiah 29:11-13, NLT)

My young friend, who had a birthday today, wrote that the past year was his “Jesus year” because he was 33 years old.  He told of actions he took to make it memorable as just that.  It makes me happy to know men like him who are committed to living like Jesus.

But it also made me sad to remember that in that 33rd year on earth, our Savior gave His life for us.  And, I was a little ashamed as I thought of my words when the first little wheeze reached my ears earlier this week.

Are you reading between the lines still?

The Bible says that for the joy that was set before Him, Jesus endured the cross.

There is great joy in the journey.  There are moments of trial and near-defeat, too. During the time it’s taken me to write this, I learned of an old saint, my friend, who made his way to his eternal home tonight.

The sadness, the hardship—they’re real.  Palpable, at times.  I’ll stand up in a minute and make my way into the house to take a puff or two from my inhaler.  Later, I’ll awake in the night when I can’t keep from coughing.

It’s what we—all of us—deal with.  Life.  With its astonishingly beautiful blossoms and its dreadfully painful thorns.

But ahead of us is joy.  Pure joy.

With no inhalers or pills.  With no tears and hurts.  With no separations and no more disappointments.

We’re surrounded by a crowd of witnesses.  And we’ve got each other to lean on along the way.

We’ll all sing in the choir again.

Beautiful music.

You can almost hear it from here.

 

 

“Sometimes the clearest evidence that God has not deserted you is not that you are successfully past your trial but that you are still on your feet in the middle of it.”
(Dale Ralph Davis)

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
(Hebrews 12: 1-2, NKJV)

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2025. All Rights Reserved.

Not Just Another Sunset

She left after supper.  Just took her keys and walked out the door, leaving me in the dark.  I usually wait for her here.  But tonight, as she pulled out of the drive, I received a text from her.

I thought perhaps she was missing me already and was sending a little note with a heart emoji.  You know—just because.  But no.  There was just one word in the text.

“Sunset?!!!”

I don’t suppose it’s any surprise to my readers that I love sunsets.  Come to think of it, I’d love sunrises too, except they come too early in the morning for me to enjoy them much.

So, sunsets it is.

I got up from my easy chair and, taking a minute to get my equilibrium (I have to do that these days, you know), headed out of the dark into the twilight of a lovely, cloudy evening.

I walk about a block to the west of our home to get clear photos of the sunsets—because I know my friends really, really want to see every sunset I stop to admire.  And, they don’t want to see a pic of the back door to Patty’s house.

There were lots of folks out in the not-dark.  Walking, cycling, scootering (is that a word?  Oh well, it is now.), it was the perfect time to be out.  I really didn’t want company, though.  Which was fine, because nobody but me ever stands at the edge of that field and snaps photos of an everyday occurrence like the sun going down.

Truthfully, the sunset itself wasn’t that beautiful tonight.  I was a little late getting there; the clouds were too heavy over the westering sun.  The few photos I snapped weren’t spectacular; just a pinky orange sky, almost hidden behind the trees.

Disappointed, I turned away from the field.  Oh well, another day it would be more spectacular.

As I turned, I discovered that someone else was, indeed, standing at the edge of the field and snapping a photo of the sun!

The young lady, most likely a student at the nearby university, didn’t stay long.  A couple of snaps, and she too pivoted away from the lowering light source.

“Great minds…,”  I said.  I’m nothing if not a great conversationalist.

She laughed, and we talked for a few seconds about the suitability of the field for our shared activity.  I mentioned that I always go all the way to the edge of the alley to make sure there are no annoying power lines in the photos. She agreed that it was a necessity.

It was not a notable encounter.  I couldn’t pick the young lady out of a lineup at the local jail, if it were necessary (why it would be is beyond me).  We don’t know each other’s names, nor where the other resides.

But the connection we made is impossible to miss.  To me, it is, anyway.

It’s a little thing, I know.  Still, we old folks talk about the young adults of today as if they have no appreciation of the good things, the things that really matter.  And yet, here was this young lady, no older than some of my grandchildren, standing at the edge of the same field this old man frequents and soaking in the glory of God’s creation.

And in a season when, to some of us, hope for the future seems to be an insubstantial commodity, I’m holding tightly on to whatever I can grasp between my gnarled, arthritic fingers.

She turned along the main road, and I walked across it and back toward home.  But something else was tugging at the edges of my brain.  Now, what was it?  Oh well, it would come sooner or later.

I was back into the darkness of my house when I remembered the elusive thought.  I had seen a lot of clouds in the southern sky, and they had a little orangey pink tinge to them.  Maybe they were worth another look.

Back into the golden hour, I wandered, following the same steps across the busy street from the university.  If I hadn’t broken into a trot, that four-wheel-drive pickup might have had to hit its brakes, and it was clear the driver had no such intention.

The sunset was still mediocre, at best.  But, looking south, I gasped at the thunderheads piled high just above the horizon.  Purple, orange, and indigo, they roiled in the fading light.

It’s always a surprise to me when I see the clouds that are not in the proximity of the declining sun sharing its glorious light and color.  I suppose it’s because I think of clouds as dark and dense.

In truth, clouds naturally radiate the colors of the setting sun.  If there is a long line of them along the horizon, with clear skies above, the overwhelming coloration travels as far as the eye can see, around the circumference of the circle of sight.

And somehow, as my mind is apt to do, the lesson of light passed by the transient clouds reminds me that we ourselves are light bearers.

The light we bear was never our own.  We never produced it ourselves.

It was never ours to hold and hoard.

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”  (Matthew 5:16, NKJV)

With a head full of these thoughts, I wandered across the street again, taking the overgrown track through the jungle behind my house and past the old barn, itself covered by a curtain of vines, all doing their best to help time and gravity bring it to the ground.

There are still sad things in this world.

It’s okay to grieve them.

But, grieving is “for a moment”.  The light is eternal.  And, we must share it—with our children and our children’s children—as well as with the world that is dying for those brilliant rays to pierce the darkness where they are waiting.

The Light has shined in the darkness.  The darkness will never overcome it.

I’ll admit it.  These were my thoughts as I went back into the darkness of my house to await the return of the Lovely Lady, who always makes its rooms brighter for me.

But, inside me, the light is blazing like noontime on a summer day.  I think I’ll keep sharing it.

Even with these clouds piled high around, His beauty will shine through.

It’ll be brighter with you walking alongside.

Are you coming with?

 

“If I can put one touch of rosy sunset into the life of any man or woman, I shall feel that I have worked with God.”
(G.K. Chesterton)

“…that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.”
(Philippians 2:15, NKJV)

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2025. All Rights Reserved.

Stand and Fight

Image by Lyn Hoare on Pexels

I asked them a question the last time I sat with them.  I have no idea why it came to mind.  Perhaps it was only to remind myself.

“Do you guys have a favorite book, or series of books?  You know, books you can read again and again, that still hold your interest?”

They seemed surprised, but we discussed their favorites—and mine—for a few minutes, and then moved on to other subjects.  I wished later that we hadn’t.  Moved on, that is.

I did it again.  Argued vociferously for something I don’t really care about.  Just because.  

I may have offended.

I’ll not be apologizing.  

Well, I probably won’t.  They asked me not to the last time I did.  It’s not like anyone is still upset with anyone else.  We had a discussion, and it came to an end.  

I simply need to remember not to bring up the same points the next time we discuss the subject.

But the books…

I was reminded that I haven’t picked up any of my old friends from the shelves for a while.  The siren call of the screens is so much louder.  So much more insistent.  And, I’m not sure I like that.

So, I’m reading about the rabbits again.  I don’t know which time it is.  The seventh or eighth, I think.  It doesn’t matter.

They are headed for Watership Down once more.  Actually, have already arrived in the book I’m reading.  But, the journey—the struggle—is never-ending.  The task, the conflict, lasts a lifetime.

My mind has already jumped ahead in the story.  It seemed important to me tonight.  The reader may decide if it is or not.

Without giving away any spoilers, I’ll tell you that the main character, Hazel, is a rabbit who is steadfast and wise, leading the ragtag troop of rabbits on their adventures.  But, in the particular conflict I’m thinking about (a real fight, by the way), he departs from the pitched battle, leaving his strong friend, Bigwig, to fight a war there seems no hope of winning.

Not explaining his plan, he tells Bigwig, “Don’t give in to them on any account.”

And then, he is gone without any explanation of why.  Leaving them to defend themselves on their own.  Knowing there will be pain.

I’m not a rabbit.  I’m fairly certain no one reading this is one, either.  

But sometimes, I wonder.  Like those few beasts left behind in this story, I wonder if it’s worth the fight.  If it’s worth the cost.

But then, I remember I’ve been given a charge to keep.  Each of us who follows Jesus has.

“Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.”  (Ephesians 6:13, NLT)

“Don’t give in to them on any account.”

In the book I’m reading, the enemies, stronger and greater in number than our heroes, break through their defenses and are met in a narrow place by the one scarred and wounded warrior who was given the directive from the Chief Rabbit. 

When Bigwig, bleeding and horribly wounded, is cajoled and bribed with promises of better circumstances, he only replies, “My Chief Rabbit has told me to defend this run, and until he says otherwise, I shall stay here.”

Scarred and bent, but not broken.

I’m not certain if the author of the book intended for there to be a deeper message.  It’s there, anyway.

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” 
(2 Corinthians 4:8-9, NLT)

Surely, I’m not the only one who’s feeling this way today

The battle is too hard.  The warriors standing side-by-side with us seem to be wounding us with their weapons almost as much as the ones on the other side of the battle line.  It’s almost as if we think we are in a battle with other humans, rather than with beliefs, spiritual kingdoms, and ideological wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)

I may have made one of the errant swipes with a weapon myself.  Or more than one.

But I’m still standing.

I think I can stand here a little longer.

He’s coming back soon.  He said He would.

We could stand together while we wait, you and I.  I promise, I’ll be a little more careful with my sharp weapons.

And, I may even apologize one more time. Or, more than once.

Stand here with me awhile anyway—would you?

 

“Thank you, O my God,
for loving me enough
that you would rouse
my deepest desires again through story, 
appointing these longings as true signposts
planted in a war-torn and cratered landscape,
reminding me that all of history is leading at last
     to a King and a kingdom,
and pointing me ever onward toward
His righteous and eternal city.”
(from Lament Upon the Finishing of a Beloved Book, in Every Moment Holy, by Douglas McKelvey)

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2025. All Rights Reserved.