A Perfect Mother

Every mom aspires to be the World’s Greatest Mom, and by some crazy quirk of logic, most succeed.”*


In this week preceding the day some politician has randomly designated “Mother’s Day”, possibly driven by payoffs from the florist and greeting card lobbyists, our thoughts seem to go back in time to the days when our own mothers were the moving forces in our lives.  The images that are depicted by said industries in their commercials and on their product are of sentimental and unrealistic scenes of domestic bliss.  The regal women in their pretend world are always perfectly coiffed and put-together, make-up applied professionally and coordinated designer clothing clinging wrinkle-free to a model’s body.  I sit here tonight and from nowhere in my dimmest memory, can I draw forth such a vision.

What I remember is a slightly overweight woman in mule slippers and an old terry-cloth robe, standing at the bottom of the stairs and yelling, “If you don’t get out of bed and down here right now, you’ll get no breakfast, AND you’ll miss your bus!”  The sack lunch we were given wasn’t filled with Lunchables or with Jiff peanut-butter (“Choosy mothers choose Jiff!”) and Smucker’s jelly sandwiches (unless those were on sale that week), along with an apple and a note, but was more likely to have a potted meat sandwich (bargain bread with the paste-like stuff smeared over it) and some slightly stale potato chips (from the 5 pound bargain package) tucked into a baggie inside.  By lunchtime, it would taste like a gourmet feast to the hungry urchin into whose hands it had been shoved as he ran to catch the bus.

You see, my mother never was anything like a Desperate Housewife or one of the Real Housewives of (fill-in-the-blank).  She was Mom – sometimes grumpy, sometimes doting – often harried, frequently docile –  but always loving and teaching and pushing.  There was never a time when we didn’t know that she wanted the best for her children.  Oh, we didn’t always show her respect and she didn’t always have a quiet demeanor when dealing with us, but there was no doubt that she was on our side.

I learned to think on my feet from Mom, as we sat and argued for hours.  Truly, that trait of mine (the arguing) comes from her and not from my father, who hated arguments of any ilk.  But, I will always have the picture in my mind of Mom, as she stopped to think about a point her adversary had just made.  She would purse her lips, then stretch them thin, tapping her cheek with a long finger, considering carefully what had been said.  Within seconds, the answer was on her tongue and the verbal joust would resume.  Even into her old age, she has been an able debater, leading some of her children to avoid delicate subjects, should she decide to challenge any random premise.  The skills of logic I learned in those encounters have served well in many situations.  The argumentativeness, I’ve had to work to control a bit more than I’d like to admit.

I could spend hours discussing her traits, good and bad.  The strident defense of her children when they were accused unfairly, the stubbornness of refusing to be bullied into paying fees for useless services, the tirades at us for our lack of initiative in housework – all of these and countless more, went into who the woman was and is, but only one more occurrence will I burden you with today.

I will admit that I was the strangest of her children and the hardest for her to understand.  I would cry at nothing, stomping up to my bedroom and sulking for hours over the least of slights.  I could work with tirelessness on a project that caught my fancy, but then would sit in indolence and procrastination when presented with a job which had to be accomplished, but in which I had no interest.  I remember one particular evening, when I had once again stormed up the stairs long before bedtime and lay sobbing on my bed.  As the time to be asleep passed and my tirade continued unabated, Mom called me downstairs.  At that time of night, it was an action which usually meant only one thing; that corporal punishment was imminent.  But, this time, she led me to her chair and, sitting down in it, set me on her lap and just held me.  I was eight, and hadn’t been in this position for a number of years, but it was comforting.  Kindly, she asked what was really bothering me.  I actually didn’t know, but the words just popped out, “I want a puppy!”  My Dad, sitting in his recliner across the room, snorted.  But, Mom just talked with me gently about the situation, explaining quietly and lovingly that the family dog would have to do for now, since there was no way possible that each of the five kids could have their own pet.  (We weren’t licensed to be a zoo…)  I didn’t really want a puppy; it was just the first thing that came into my head.  But, the loving and tender way that Mom responded was all I needed to calm down and stop crying.  Within a very short time, I was on my way to bed, comforted and secure.  It was one of the few times that I dropped right off to sleep upon lying down.  A mother’s love can do that.

Do I have a point?  Just this…the fact that Mom didn’t fit a single one of the ideal requirements that makes up the perfect mother in the eyes of the rest of the world, had nothing to do with her ability to do the work that God had set in front of her.  She wasn’t a perfect person in any way, but she was exactly the mother that I needed to help me grow up into a man who could think for himself, learning to love another woman who would also be a perfect mother, and becoming a father who could love and teach and support his own children.

By writing this, I mean to honor, not only my own mother, who needed the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomon to raise her brood, but I want to honor mothers everywhere who daily do the task in front of them.  It is largely a thankless job for 364 days of the year, but it does continue for every one of those monotonous and unexceptional days, in spite of the lack of notice on our part.  I hope you will take the time to let your mother know of your honor and love, and respect in a very real way, not only this weekend, but also upon every opportunity which presents itself on the other days of the year and indeed, for the rest of her life.

It will only be a partial payment of a debt which is owed her. 





“If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been.”
(Robert Brault~American writer)

“Her children stand and bless her…”
(Proverbs 31:28 NLT) 





* Robert Brault, “A Robert Brault Reader”, May 5, 2012





© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2013. All Rights Reserved. 



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Ten Foot People

It’s a cynical viewpoint, is mine.

I suddenly realized that I have spent my life expecting the worst of people.  Maybe it hurts less that way.  If you don’t expect much, you won’t be surprised when you don’t get much. Lowered expectations.

The idea that people will always disappoint is one which grows with every instance of being let down by folks who appeared to be trustworthy.  But strangely, as the calamities keep coming, the cynicism grows until, one day, you wake up and find that you’re not really even disappointed anymore.  

“I knew something like this was going to happen,”  you mutter to yourself as the latest shining knight falls off of his steed.

Let’s see…maybe I can give you a for-instance.  Rather than talk about people, perhaps we can talk about old guitars…
The fellow called me a couple of weeks ago.  “Paul, I’ve got a great guitar from the seventies.  It’s a pretty desirable instrument.”

I talked with him a few minutes and got the particulars about the guitar; then I asked him to send some pictures to my phone.  The guitar looked great in the pictures – really great.  I wanted it!  I checked my resources and determined a fair price for this model in the condition he claimed it was in, a claim the photos seemed to confirm.  It was a fair amount of money.  He said he’d bring the guitar right down.

The guitar that he carried in turned out to be a very different instrument than either his description or his photos promised.  A can or two of spray paint had ruined the value for me, while he was actually proud of his cover-ups, believing that they enhanced the aesthetic value.  I cut my offer in half, much as he had cut the value of the vintage instrument in half by his amateurish bumbling.  He took my money and left, not quite as happy as he had been when he first came in.
“It’s a pretty good ten-foot guitar, Paul.”  The guitar player stood near my counter the next day.

He had stepped to the wall, where the monstrosity hung, just moments before.  It took him mere seconds to recognize what had been done to the guitar.  Stepping back again, he sought to console me in my disappointment.

“From ten feet away, it looks just fine.”

I wasn’t mollified.  The guitar will never again be a desirable collectible. 

So it is with people.  Again and again, I get close enough to find that the finish isn’t genuine, the veneer simply a cover-up for the ugliness that lies inside.  Do you want to know a particularly nasty secret?  The same thing will happen to you if you get close enough to me.  I know the stench of rottenness inside, the ugly inner me.  What you see is the spray paint and the make-shift cover-up I have in place to make myself more acceptable to you.  But, don’t get too close! 
Maybe the ten-foot rule should be in effect.  Hmmm…no disappointment, no surprises.  Don’t approach, don’t examine, don’t touch.

Nothing to see here!  Move along!

But, let me turn a corner here.

I’m finding, the longer I walk through this life, that people aren’t like guitars.  Well, except for the occasional chance resemblance, that is.  You see, a guitar, once ruined, is ruined for the rest of its days.  Not so with humans.  Oh, I’ll grant that some will never recover.  Many don’t wish to live any differently.  But I firmly believe in grace, in new beginnings, even in deathbed conversions.  That last option is not one I would recommend, because it precludes the opportunity to demonstrate what grace accomplishes when lived out.  That said, grace is still grace, at whatever point in life it touches us.

I am not a cynic, although sometimes life conspires to convert me into one.

I am a believer in the power of love to change men’s hearts.

Grace reaches through the thickest of coverings to bring the soul to the light of day.  My guitar-painting friend might think the result ugly.  All the scars and pain of a lifetime are laid open to public view.  And, you know, the truth is not always pretty, is not always pleasing to the eye.  I’m fairly certain though, that in the honest wear which is left when the facade is stripped away, we can see the original beauty, in which our Creator intended us to walk all the days of our lives.

I like the idea of living in elevated anticipation.  It sure beats lowered expectations.  You see, I know – am absolutely sure – that it is possible to make a ten-foot wall hanger into an approachable, touchable human being. It starts with grace.  
Come to think about it, it ends with grace too.  
So, put away that can of spray paint!  Those painful scars and old injuries?  They’re just good, honest wear, and they’re much more beautiful than any cover-up we could improvise.
Time to get closer.  
“Then the lion said – but I don’t know if it spoke – You will have to let me undress you.  I was afraid of his claw, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now.  So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.”
(Eustace Grubb~”Voyage of the Dawn Treader”~C.S.Lewis~English author/educator~1898-1963)
“Therefore, if anyone be in Christ, he is a new creation:  old things are passed away; behold, everything has become new.”
(2 Corinthians 5:17~KJV)
© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2013. All Rights Reserved. 
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Beauty Shared

The helpful lady handed me the headphones, along with the MP3 player.  She assumed that I, like the other silver-haired folks in line, would need help with how to use it.  She may have been right…but that didn’t stop me from waving her on to the next person.  I don’t read instructions, nor do I need road maps.  Hmmm…for some strange reason, we do always seem to be exploring odd places in big cities.  Well, be that as it may, I had time while waiting in line to figure out how the device worked and listened to the introduction.  “One of the most popular American artists of the last century, Norman Rockwell…”  No, I won’t bore you with the details.  You know who Norman Rockwell was.  We were at the local art museum to see an exhibition of his spectacular original works.  After a ten minute wait in line, the doors to the gallery were opened and we filed in expectantly.

The place was packed.  And amazingly quiet.  I was surprised at the silence in the room.  I started to remark on it, but the Lovely Lady at my side had already put on her headphones and pointed to the indicator on the wall next to the closest piece of art.  I clicked in the appropriate number and a voice began.  The description was pleasant and almost friendly, as the narrator, Mr Rockwell’s son himself, began to tell us about the work we were viewing.   Still, something was missing that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

We wandered along, surprised that so many people were grouped around the works with narration indicators, but avoided the other paintings altogether.  They would walk, almost rudely, in front of patrons viewing a piece, simply to see the indicator number on the next one down and then would punch the number into their own device and stand, annoyed at the others who walked, almost rudely, in front of them to do the same.  We all wandered along, stopping for the same length of time before each piece, and then, tapping the screen that activated our electronic guide, moved on to the next framed work with an audio indicator, to repeat the process. I saw heads nodding and smiles forming, but there was almost no talking; virtually no pointing.

The battery indicator on my device showed that the power was low.  I ignored it, moving along and listening.  Soon however, the voice gave out altogether and the screen went blank.  Dead battery!  I considered turning it in for a newly charged one, but, thinking better of it, simply put the headphones down around my neck and moved to the next piece.  Suddenly, I knew what was missing!

When we go to art galleries and antique shops, the Lovely Lady and I talk constantly.  “I like that…”  “Did you see what he did with this?”  We speculate about details and origins.  We prod each other with ideals and cautionary points.  On this day, I was on my own.  She listened to her canned guide, taking in the details as he spoke, but I was alone with my thoughts.  Alone in an art gallery packed with people.  No one at all to talk with about the artist’s ideas or techniques.  No one to laugh with, as his sense of humor demonstrated itself.  I soaked in what little my feeble mind could comprehend, but I know that I missed so much, simply because I had no one with whom to discuss the works.  What was missing was the interaction of another human being.  That MP3 wasn’t interaction.  It was information, but not application.  It gave facts, but not ideas; not conclusions.

I left a little disappointed and slightly resentful.  Oh, the art was magnificent.  I love Norman Rockwell’s perception of the American spirit, the families, even the faith of his subjects.  That said, I wanted to  share that with someone on this day and had been kept from fulfilling my intent.  I wonder, can I have a do-over?  I’d like another shot at it.  Perhaps, I’ll get the chance yet.

Say, do you like road trips?  I do too.  With other people.  I know that some folks love solitude, love to travel alone, taking in the sights and storing them up in their memory, to be divulged, bit by bit, at some later time.  Not me, buddy.  I want to say, “Hey!  Would you look at that?”  “Man, what a beautiful sunset.”  “Wow!  Look at the snow-covered mountains!”  Beauty shared is twice as beautiful.  The other person in the car may notice a rainbow across the valley, may see an eagle soaring high above that I didn’t observe.  Even if I see it, if I have no one to share it with, I feel robbed.  A secret one is forced to keep is not nearly as satisfying as a discovery made together.

We weren’t meant to keep good things to ourselves.  I don’t even think that we were made to learn on our own.  Perhaps, it’s just the way I process things, but when I’m in a group discussing a concept, the ideas just seem to flow from the interplay between minds that work differently and people who come from varied environments.  On my own, ideas become stagnant and repetitive.

We need each other.  Iron sharpens iron. In the presence of many counselors, there is wisdom.

Perhaps it is time to put away the headphones.  Time to point, and share, and learn.  You know how to do that.

Talk amongst yourselves.

“Our best thoughts come from others.”
(Ralph Waldo Emerson~American essayist/poet~1803-1882)

“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”
(Proverbs 27:17~NLT)

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2013. All Rights Reserved.

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Ultimate Honesty

The thoughts are flying through my brain.  I sit and try my best to capture one – just one – and pin it down so that I can see if it will be an appropriate specimen for dissection in tonight’s post.  It feels as if I’m in one of those game show money booths…you know the ones…where the contestant walks in and the door is closed behind him or her, right before the fan starts swirling dollar bills all around them.  There may be an incredible amount of cash inside, but you can only keep what you are able to pluck out of the air.  And, the bills are elusive, so many of them that it is impossible to focus on any one to snare.  Very few contestants emerge with a significant quantity of cash in their hands.  Well, if thoughts were dollar bills tonight, I’d be a very poor man walking out of the booth.

Yet, as I attempt to snag just one cogent thought from the atmosphere, I hear the indicator tone of the fax machine in another office.  A look at the incoming document brings a sigh of disgust.  Someone in China has died and left a huge sum of money unclaimed and I must help the banker embezzle the nest egg before an official in the government can get their filthy paws on it.  Annoyed at the waste of my paper and ink, I reach over to toss it in the waste basket, but I pause in the motion.  A sentence near the bottom of the page catches my eye.  “It’s my utmost concern to demand your ultimate honesty.”  The final sentence assures me that the process will be executed in a legitimate arrangement which would legally protect me from any breach of law.  My disgust turns to laughter as my mind processes this hypocrisy.

And, just as suddenly as the tone of the incoming fax had turned my attention away from my dilemma in the thought machine, I reached out and snagged one of the ornery critters from mid-air in that office.  It is a question which has been nagging at me recently and which I discussed with an old friend today.  If I sell my integrity for money, can what is left still be called integrity?  My friend says no.  I say no.  But my new benefactor in the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China says yes.  He wants me to sell my honesty for forty percent of twenty-two million dollars, but insists that he is counting on my honesty in the process.  I wonder…who is right?

You laugh, as I did, but the issue for me is that we live in a world that does not.  Again and again, I am astounded as companies that claim integrity and honor prove that they have abandoned those virtues to pursue instead, the profit margin and bottom line they value above all else.  Closer to home, I deal, on a daily basis, with folks whose intention is to defraud me in order to enrich themselves.  One person came in today asking if I would purchase a guitar.  When I made an offer based on the actual value of the instrument, the tear-jerking story began.  Electricity about to be turned off, children who would be removed from the home if that happened…the details were embellished to move me emotionally as the person spoke.  I told my old friend later that I quickly gave them a little more than the guitar was worth, just so that they wouldn’t have to make up more lies.

Life is full of just such disappointments, in our hope for honesty and integrity from those we rub shoulders with, as well as from those across the nation from us, and yes, even from people across the water.  But, I’m not sure that I would be doing you a great favor by drawing these disappointments to your attention and then leaving you in the depressed state which such thoughts evoke.

As I spoke with another friend this afternoon, he talked about those who are doing the best they can, but still need help.  We commiserated about the difficulty in differentiating between the dishonest deadbeat and the deserving destitute.  (I suppose I really should reword that, but face it, the alliteration is delightful, is it not?)  Our conclusion was a little unnerving, but liberating nonetheless.  You may want to read the following sentence more than once.  It’s not our problem!  That’s right.  Not our problem.  We have our mandate.  Help the poor; clothe the naked; feed the hungry.  Period.  Our mandate doesn’t include instructions to be sure that they won’t misuse the aid we offer; there is no command to only give to those who deserve our gift.  Simply, help.

Are you depressed because someone has taken advantage of you?  Don’t be.  Be glad that you were able to be generous.  Unhappy because they keep doing it?  It’s not your problem.  You see, integrity demands only that we ourselves do what is right.  I was never called to be a conscience for anyone else.  I am sad when people and entities I trust don’t live up to my expectations.  But, I know that this is reality.  I can’t fix them.  I can do something about how I treat other people, and about how I do business.

Tonight?  I’m going to help my new friend at the bank in China and throw away his letter.

Well?  He did demand my ultimate honesty.

I owe him that, at the least.

“If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also.  If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also.”
(Luke 6:29~NLT)

“No man can purchase his virtue too dear, for it is the only thing whose value must ever increase with the price it has cost us.  Our integrity is never worth so much as when we have parted with our all to keep it.”
(Ovid~Ancient Roman poet~43 BC-17 AD)

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2013. All Rights Reserved.

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Had Enough?

The email arrived late  one night.  “I only wanted one,” was the terse statement.  The missive was in reply to a question I had asked earlier in the day of the customer.  Her order had arrived in my in-box and I had promptly pulled the merchandise and prepared it for the shipping room.   Coming back to my monitor a moment later, I was surprised to see another, identical order from the same lady.  The time stamp showed that the two orders had been placed within two minutes of each other.  I had a pretty good idea of what happened, but wanted to hear it from her.  Sure enough, she clicked twice on the button which finalizes her order.  In bold black type, the online instructions plainly say, “click the button below ONLY ONCE.”  The directive goes on to say that it could take up to three minutes to process the order.  In spite of the instructions, the order was placed again.  I’ll cancel the additional charge to her credit card and will only ship one item.  I wish all the consequences of impatience and self-gratification were so simple to remedy.

Tongue-in-cheek, I have told you on occasion about some of the quirky sayings that the Lovely Lady’s father passed on to me when he was still living.  There was one in particular which I hear repeated too many times, mostly from my own lips.  “That was really good!  It tastes like another one!”  This phrase is best emphasized by grabbing another doughnut, or serving up another piece of pie.  One was good, the second one can only be better.  Unfortunately, my scale registered a result something over the two century mark as I gingerly stepped onto it earlier this week, another reminder that the old days of eating what I want without penalty are a thing of the long distant past.  I’ve said, “Maybe just one more,” a few times too many over the last thirty years and the evidence is literally right in front of me.

On a different front, in my music store, I have threatened to have tee shirts printed up with the slogan “You can’t have too many guitars” emblazoned on them.  These, of course, would be intended for the unhappy wives of a number of our guitar customers.  Once again, the suggestion is facetious, but in fact, it’s almost a serious enough issue to be concerned about and not to laugh about.  There are people to whom common sense is a stranger when they see a guitar they have read about, or seen a friend playing, or heard played on their favorite recording.  They must possess that instrument and will go to almost any length to obtain it.  I’m not sure that I know of this problem causing any divorces, but there is no question that a fair number of family squabbles have been started by the purchase of one of these beautiful ladies with their glossy finish and siren-like qualities.  Perhaps it is possible to have too many of these wonderful instruments.  Maybe it would make more sense to print up some tee shirts with a blurb that says “Listen to your wife!” and distribute them to my married customers.  Nah…that wouldn’t be good for business.   Anyway, some of those wives have the same problem when it comes to purchases in their field of interest.  We haven’t yet discussed shoes, or handbags, or…I think I’ll stop there or I may have to face some consequences later.

Indeed, we live in a day when self-control is not encouraged.  The messages with which we’re perpetually barraged tell us to give in to our desires.  See something you want?  Get it.  Can’t afford it?  Charge it.  Been taught that it’s not good?  Ditch your belief system.  We live in a new reality; a reality without consequences.  What once was good is actually bad, the formerly forbidden is to be desired and attained.  The new truth is that if you want it, it can’t be wrong.  The only problem with this new reality is that it is a dream-world, one guaranteed to turn into a nightmare the further you proceed into it.  We’re surrounded by the evidence in ruined lives; stars in recovery programs, politicians (and preachers) resigning in shame or going to jail, marriages in shambles, hoarding, alcoholism, drug addiction…the horrendous list is almost without end.

As I write this, I’ve started practicing a new phrase, one which I’ve not had much experience saying; “No, thank you.”  I don’t want to super-size it, don’t want seconds, don’t want another one in the driveway.  I’m thinking that the great man who said many centuries ago, “True Godliness with contentment is itself great wealth,” had his head screwed on straight.

I’ve had enough, thank you!

“Self-control is just controlling myself
It’s listening to my heart
And doing what is smart
Self-control is the very best way to go
So I think that I’ll control myself”

(Mike Milligan~Singer-Songwriter~”The Music Machine”) 

“And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong–you want only what will give you pleasure.”
(James 4:3)

Edited from an essay originally posted on 6/28/2011. 
© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2013. All Rights Reserved. 


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Childish Things

“You are old, Father William,” the young man said,
“And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head—
Do you think, at your age, it is right?”

“In my youth,” Father William replied to his son,
“I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I’m perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.”

(from “Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland~Lewis Carroll)




The boys were ecstatic!  They ran to meet their mother as she entered the door bearing her boxes.  “We can stand on our heads!  Grandpa showed us how!”  I wasn’t sure how my daughter would take the news, so I stood looking down at my feet as she digested the news.  When I glanced at her again, she was looking at me with a mixture of disbelief and worry on her face.  “What?”  I asked, much like an errant child myself.  “They were doing somersaults and cartwheels, along with a half handstand or two and it seemed that I could be helpful.”  Her next words hit me right between the eyes.  “Dad!  Don’t you think you’re a little old to be standing on your head?”  The exasperation in her voice wasn’t because her boys would now be standing on their own heads perpetually, kicking the little girls as they passed, nor even because of the shoe prints which would make their way onto her walls in the very near future.  She thought that I was too old to be doing something that I had done as a child!  She wanted me to act my age!

Can I let you in on a secret?  She was right.  And if any of you breathe a word to her, I’ll deny that I was the one who wrote those words. But, she is right.  I am too old.  And also a little heavier than the last time I did that, over twenty years ago.  Okay…a lot heavier.  The sixty pounds or so that I have gained since my super skinny days of yore were never meant to be borne by my still-thin neck.  I don’t think I did any permanent damage, but I suspect that I might want to stay upright for the foreseeable future.  I’m not a kid anymore.

“I wish things were like they used to be.”  Almost everyday, I hear the phrase from someone else.  Whether it’s someone bemoaning the changes in music, be it worship music, or popular music, or even country music, the complaint is the same.  “I just don’t like this new stuff!”  Teachers complain that the kids aren’t like they were when they started teaching.  My old classmates wish for the days of carefree wandering as children, in neighborhoods and downtown stores.  The political opinions from folks inundate my reading material, as they yearn for leaders from the past (the same ones that made us miss the leaders before them).  What we used to have is always better than what we have right now.  We don’t like change.

I made the phone call today.  I’ve been putting it off for months, hoping that something would happen to make it unnecessary.  I don’t like change either, you see.  I’ve had the same phone number for thirty-six years, acquiring my very first telephone service at the tender age of…well, never mind…I was young.  The phone number is burned permanently into my memory.  It is only the second home phone number I’ve had in my life, and the first was my parents’.  For thirty-six years, I’ve been able to tell people, “I’m in the book.  Just give me a call.”

Today, I called the old phone company and told them to disconnect the telephone.  Almost no one we know calls us on that number anymore.  Four or five times a day, we answer it, only to hang it up immediately, when the telemarketer begins his or her spiel.  Nobody we know.  The young lady at the other end must be growing used to it by now, but she gasped as she looked at the records.  “Mr. Phillips, you’ve had this line since 1977!  Are you sure you want us to disconnect it?”  I wanted to say, “No,” and hang up, but you can’t hold on to the past forever.  Did I tell you that I don’t like change?

Now, like the lisping Gopher from Walt Disney’s “Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree”, I’ll be forced to say, “Here’s my card.  I’m not in the book, you know.”  After thirty-six years of being in the book, you won’t find my name there.  It’s a funny feeling; akin to Linus losing his security blanket.  Of course he knows he doesn’t really need it; it just helps him to feel better when life gets a little too intense. 

Life changes and we go on.  I don’t wear bell bottom trousers or platform shoes anymore, nor do I miss them.  Time moves on.  I don’t ask my father for permission to stay out late, nor do I count on him to provide my housing and meals.  Time moves on.  I can’t eat all the food in sight without gaining an ounce, as I once did.  Time moves on. 

And so too, must we.  For my part, I will leave headstands and home telephones in the past and move on to the future.  It’s not the same, but that’s the way it has always been.  No generation – ever – has been left with its practices unscathed, as they moved on.  Change has been the way of mankind since the beginning of time.  Oh, there have been periods when it appeared that not all of life was as topsy-turvy as it has been over the last couple of centuries, but I can guarantee you that even in the Dark Ages, some old man somewhere said, “We’ve never done it that way before!”  Time has always moved on.

Facts must be faced.  Alice’s nonsense poem above is not as much nonsense as you might think, since it illustrates a common fault in aging men such as I.  We desire to hang onto our youth, when it is long gone.  I suppose it is time to leave the childish things behind and move on ahead to what lies ahead.  I might be surprised at the delights that are still to come.  

Turning from the past, I’m headed for a future that is still just as full of promise as it was when I left home all those years ago.  True, it’s a future without headstands and even without a telephone on the lamp table, but with my smart-phone in hand and standing on my own two feet, I’m moving on ahead. 

I can do this!

I bet you can too.  And, if you find that you need a little encouragement, a little moral support, just give me a call.  No, maybe you should drop me an email.  

I’m not in the book, you know…





“Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.”
(Tom Stoppard~British playwright)


“When I was a child, I spoke, and thought, and reasoned as a child.  But when I grew up, I put away childish things.”
(I Corinthians 13:11~NLT)





© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2013. All Rights Reserved. 





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No Pressure

Reaching further.  The idea has been on my mind quite a bit recently.  You may have noticed.  I have to admit that I don’t actually do it consistently myself, but I’m beginning to think the time has come.  True, like most, I live my life surrounded by folks who are content to simply get the job done.  It seems to be a time honored tradition in our culture; do what is expected of you, collect your pay check, and go home to your family.  I’m ready to reach further; ready to stretch the old expectations just a little.  You may wonder why.

I was a kid in junior high school.  Mr. Olson told us that he was playing with the guest soloist in the high school band’s spring concert and suggested that we might like to go.  Most of us did.  Rafael Mendez was one of the premier trumpet players in the twentieth century, so many of us left the concert that night with a little different idea of what it was possible to do with that small brass instrument that we played with puckered lips.  The next day at school, Mr. Olson told us a little about the virtuoso we had heard on the previous night.  You can read about him on many sites online, so I’ll spare you the biography.  The one thing that I remember distinctly is the fact that Mr. Mendez almost lost his ability to play the instrument while still a young man.  One night, as he warmed up in his dressing room, another player burst through the door, slamming it right into his trumpet bell and cutting his lip badly.  He went ahead and played that night, but the wound became infected and for almost three years, it appeared that his career was ended.  Six surgeries, including a crude one in Mexico with an electric drill as the operating tool in the doctor’s hand, left him with a horrible scar and no feeling in his lip.  The popular version of the story has it that Mr. Mendez re-learned his instrument by hanging a trumpet from the ceiling on a string and playing notes without holding onto the instrument at all, to keep from putting any pressure whatsoever on his lip.  I’m not sure if the story is true, but at any rate, he played skillfully for many years, sharing with thousands of young players all over the world from his treasure trove of knowledge, until just a few years before he died.  He reached further.

A number of years later, I met the Lovely Lady and her family.  Her mother, a pianist and piano teacher, was an inspiration to many, having been afflicted with rheumatoid arthritis while still in her forties.  This is not anything akin to the osteoarthritis which many, including myself, face as we age.  Her malady was an autoimmune disease, affecting most of the joints in her body, crippling and disfiguring as it advanced.  Most folks who develop this disease have to stop their physical activities, sitting in wheelchairs and being cared for as invalids.  This lady fought.  She refused to be in a wheelchair until the last couple of years of her life, preferring instead to hobble along on her own two feet.  She taught her lessons into her eighties and regularly played as the church pianist until she was nearly seventy.  She still played specials at church, even in the last year she lived. At one point, she arranged and published her own book of hymn transcriptions, written specifically for folks with hands like hers.  It hurt her horribly to play and still, with misshapen and crippled hands, she reached further.

About the same time I met the Lovely Lady and her mother, I met another musician, one on the opposite end of the spectrum in music.  Frank, I’m told, was one of the finest up-and-coming young guitarists in our area.  There weren’t many around who were better than he at their chosen instrument.  But one fateful day, he and a friend were installing a television antenna on the roof of a house and got the metal apparatus across a high-voltage power line.  His friend died from his injuries.  Along with significant burns and permanent damage to his heart, Frank’s left hand and forearm had to be amputated just above the wrist.  One would suppose that his guitar playing days were over.  One would be wrong.

Frank realized that he could never play the guitar in quite the same way, since he no longer had a hand and the fingers necessary to form the cords and fret out the melodies and harmonies.  He also knew that he had to play again.  When he was fitted with a prosthesis, Frank asked the technician if there was any way he could make him another attachment which could screw into the spot where the hook (which was manipulated with cables from his shoulders and neck) went.  They developed a device which allowed the persistent musician to once more play a guitar, this time lying across his lap, in the Hawaiian style.  Frank has played the resonator guitar and lap steel guitar now, for many years, refusing to be denied the ability to make music.  (There’s a link to a short video of him below)  Even with a shortened arm, he reaches further.

You see, I am indeed, as are you, surrounded by folks who are content to be mediocre, but I’m just as sure that you also have those extraordinary people in your lives who make you sit up and notice the difference.  I don’t have the handicaps any of these three stubborn people faced, but still I find myself ready to give up at the slightest hint of hardship.  Maybe, like I did today, you need a little reminder as you work hard to reach some physical goal.  Perhaps, it’s a more esoteric and far-reaching mark you’re aiming at.  Regardless, it’s not a bad thing to have witnesses of the possibilities in your life.

You know…another word for mediocre is “common”.  The folks described above were anything but common.

How about you?  Are you content to be common?  Maybe it’s time to stand out from the crowd.  Maybe you’re ready to reach further instead.

I know I am.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, we must get rid of every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and run with endurance the race set out for us…”
(Hebrews 12:1~NET Bible)

My friend Frank, Reaching Further…  
(Click the link to watch a short clip, taken just a day or two ago.)

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2013. All Rights Reserved.

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Twilight

“…the two great lights, the greater one to rule the day, and the lesser one to rule the night.”

Nearing the end of an invigorating walk (which may or may not have included a fair amount of jogging to keep warm) this evening, I turned a corner, putting my back to the setting sun, and headed toward the east and home.  My eyes, normally trained on the path ahead to avoid catastrophe, lifted momentarily toward the sky and I was captured.

Above the horizon in front of me, almost the mirror image of the setting sun behind, the full moon was beginning it’s circuit through the night skies, albeit a few moments early.  It is not an unusual occurrence; the moon frequently can be seen in the blue sky of the day.  Normally though, when that happens, it is visible for a time and then the vivid light of the ruler of the daytime sky blots it from sight.  Not tonight.

I will admit to a fanciful imagination at times, but on this cold, late April evening, the word “twilight” became more than just another term to mean “almost dark”.  The two great lights, the ruler of the day and the ruler of the night hung at opposite points of the compass from my location, each vying for domination, and I waited to see which would emerge the victor.  The logical brain – the scientific mind – jumps, of course, to the correct conclusion, but there is no faith – no soul – in that methodology.  Won’t you banish that dry, monotonous process from your thoughts for now and look at the sky through different eyes with me?  Just for a few moments?

As I glanced over my shoulder at the retreating sun, I was struck with the words from Genesis quoted above, and I couldn’t help myself; I smiled broadly, experiencing an epiphany of sorts.  “Lights to rule…”  Authority over their separate bailiwicks, not to be usurped by the other.  The domain of the sun is the day and it rules without peer.  Oh, the thunderstorms and the morning mists, along with the winter gales, do their best to block out this beneficent ruler, but he is jealous of his kingdom and will not stay hidden for long.  He is a powerful force, and often, a hard taskmaster.  His is the time of achievement; work begun and finished, tasks accomplished, crops planted and gathered.  Many mighty men has he beaten down. He yields to none.

Did I say none?  I should have said, none but one.  I walked outside just moments past and she is still there, holding court in the sky above me, while he, gone to bed hours ago, is not.  The world is alight with her radiance now, this beautiful queen of the night.  Most of you sleep through her stunning display of fragile beauty.  She has not the force to drive aside the clouds, nor the brilliance to accommodate the industry of the day, but there is power in her soft rays nonetheless.  The night is more restful for her light, granting sleep to the weary, offering respite from the commerce of the daytime.  Yet, she too will yield up her domain once again when the dawn approaches, with the sun not far behind.

I watched the two ruling lights in the sky together, the twilight of the sun and the moon, and was struck anew with the beauty and order with which the Creator imbued His creation.  All power issues from the Ultimate Power; the rulers are ruled; the lights, mere reflections of His true light.  Out of chaos, He brings order and elegance.  It is true in the cosmos; true also in those He calls His own.

The great lights do their part, in their turn.  Do I?  Do you?

It’s time to head for home and bed.  But first, I may take another minute to stand in the cold, bright world and admire the queen of the night.

And you just slept right though it all…
.

“The disciples were terrified and amazed.  “Who is this man?” they asked each other.  “When He gives a command, even the wind and waves obey Him!”
(Luke 8:25b~NLT)

“Slowly, silently, now the moon
Walks the night in her silver shoon.”
(from “Silver” by Walter de la Mare~English poet/novelist~1873-1956)

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2013. All Rights Reserved. 



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Open The Gate!

In my memory, it was a big book, but it probably wasn’t really all that big.  There was a picture on the front cover, with children watching a goat which was butting at a gate.  It seems to me the gate was big, too.  I don’t remember the stories, can’t remember the purpose for the title, but the words are haunting my thoughts recently.


“Open the Gate”

Now, in my advancing age, I suppose the imagery intended to be evoked by the title is that of a new world opening to the youngsters who were learning to read from that mid-century reader.  The vistas that reading opened up are certainly not to be scoffed at…the lands to which one’s imagination could travel; the people that one could become familiar with…all without ever once leaving the comfort of the armchair or school-desk.  The gates in the mind could be opened, but what of other gates that life sets in our path (or that we build ourselves)?

Open the Gate.

Gates are made for two different purposes–to keep things out and to keep things in.  Their disadvantage is that, regardless of the purpose intended, they achieve the opposite one as well.  The gate which keeps dogs in also keeps friends from approaching.  The gate which keeps strangers at bay turns into a prison, behind which once free folks become inmates, compelled to stay in until at last, they become content to live in the small world within which they have incarcerated themselves.

Open the Gate.

“Stagnant waters are that way because they never go anywhere.  Growth and progress occur as we move out of our accustomed paths, applying what we have learned and absorbing new lessons, to take on bigger and unfamiliar tasks.  You’ll never realize your potential until you move out of the place of comfort and into the place of opportunity.”  I wrote those words several months ago and came across them again today.  How arrogant and hypocritical!  I said them, but have never actually lived them.  Dwelling in my fenced and gated little world, I have successfully kept discomfort and challenge at arm’s length, both protected and imprisoned by the fences I have built.

Open the Gate!

Tonight, I’m warning you that one day soon, you may find the gate standing open and this restless wanderer escaped from the asylum.  Interesting word, that.  Asylum.  It means “a place of shelter and safety.”  In recent times though, we have come to think of it as a prison for the deranged and demented.  Somehow, the evolution of meaning is apropos.  We seek safety and find captivity; needing stability, we become unbalanced.

I’m not telling you that I will be leaving behind my home and family, or all the people I love; I won’t.  I simply mean that safety and protection no longer seem so safe and protected.  There is much to be done with little time in which to accomplish it.  And, these locked gates make it impossible to even start.

I wonder if the lock will even open anymore.  Well, the only way to find out is to try.  You know, it occurs to me, before I take my leave–there is room on the road for more than one at a time.  Do you want to escape with me?

C’mon!


Open the Gate!

“Remember what Bilbo used to say; ‘It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door.  You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.'”
(J.R.R.Tolkien~English author/educator~1892-1973

“People gather bundles of stick to build bridges which they never cross.”
(Anonymous)

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2013. All Rights Reserved.

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Slaying the (small) Dragon

I’m smiling to myself as I write tonight.  You might even say I’m a little smug.

What’s that?

No, today wasn’t all that great a day.  I didn’t get all my work done; I even sent someone the wrong product.  I’ll deal with that some other time.  I didn’t make any huge sales, and haven’t found a wonderful vintage guitar which will net me an enormous profit.

So, what is it that’s making me smile?

I’ll tell you. I fixed the kitchen faucet.  Two days ago.  Yep.  Still smiling.

For the last year or more, the kitchen faucet at our house has leaked from the base if you moved the spout while the water was running.  And I, being the handyman that I am, suggested to the Lovely Lady that she not move the spout while the water was running.

Problem solved.

Well, not exactly.  It was a pain–for over a year.  Then last week, it started leaking from the base whether you moved the spout or not.  And I, being the handyman that I am, suggested that a plumber could replace the faucet for us.  The Lovely Lady, long suffering spouse that she is, suggested that she didn’t want a new faucet and wondered aloud if I could effect a repair myself.

A visit to the local handyman center (no, they don’t sell handymen there, they just equip the bumbling ones such as myself) cost me a couple of dollars for a package of rubber o-rings.  The net price of the one I needed was about twenty cents.

Sliding that rubber piece over the lower end of the spout, I put it back into place and tightened the connection.  Turning the water on, I held my breath as I examined the chrome base of the faucet.

Voila!  No leak!  Gingerly, I moved the spout back and forth as the water poured forth.  Still no leak! I’m pretty sure I did a little dance right there in the kitchen.  I was (and am) ecstatic!

No knight errant, killing a dragon and saving the damsel in distress could have been more triumphant than I.  My dragon may have only been a chrome plated faucet and the damsel in distress, my lovely bride of a number of years (I forget how many), but the dragon is slain and the maid is free of her prison!

“How silly!”  I hear the naysayers already muttering.  “Save your celebration for a real conquest.”

I’m going to suggest as politely as I can, that you may feel free to keep your opinions to yourself.

The little things bring immense pleasure.  Our lives are a parade of little things, bombarding us one after another.  We conquer them and we rejoice momentarily, preparing to face the next one.  The Teacher understood this as He told of the woman who had lost one coin and turned her house upside down to find it.  In the middle of the night, the house blazed with light as she swept the floor to retrieve that one little coin.  Then, when she found it, she called her friends and neighbors to celebrate with her.

One coin!  Silly?  Not in the slightest!

Revel in the small successes!  Delight in the unassuming conquests!  I’m convinced that our lives will never be free of battles to be fought and won…some large, but most small.  All are worthy of our full attention and all are worthy of our delight and celebration, when finished.

I’ve said many times that we shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, meaning simply that we need not fret and worry about the insignificant issues.  That said, we still must deal with them, ticking off the minor victories one after the other.

I hope that you have a little something today that you are smiling to yourself about.  You might even have called your best friend to let them in on it.  Go you!  Celebrate to your heart’s content.

For my part, I think I’ll head home now to run a little water in the kitchen sink again.  Might even swing the spout around a time or two.

If you hear me humming Willie the Giant’s song from Mickey and the Beanstalk as I do it, take no notice.

“I’m a most amazing guy, a most amazing guy am I…Fe Fi Fo Fum, He Hi Ho Hum…”

Celebrate!

 

 

 

Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize that they were the big things.”
(Robert Brault~American writer and philosopher)

 

What do you think? If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying?”
(Matthew 18:12~NASB)

 

 

 

© Paul Phillips. He’s Taken Leave. 2013. All Rights Reserved.

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